Finding Comfort
by Sassafrass86
Summary: Post-ITSOTG (Chapter 4)-"You're good at misdirection." "It's a gift."
1. We Are All Righteous

**Title: **Finding Comfort**  
Author: **Erika**  
Spoilers: **ITSOTG Parts I and II  
**Note: **I know Zoey isn't typically used for fics, but I thought it would be interesting to see what she was going through after the events of Rosslyn.   
**Disclaimer: **I don't own any characters that have appeared on _The West Wing_, though owning Bradley Whitford/Josh Lyman is something I really wouldn't mind.

Zoey Bartlet wandered around the bullpen like a fish out of water. It was something she made a point of doing every time she happened to be in the area, what she had come to know as a routine. Her first stop was always Josh's office. She'd share a quick hello with Donna, make sure her "brother" was available, and pop into his office for a pleasant conversation. It was one of the brightest points of both his and her day. Today, though, she wouldn't be stopping in Josh's office. A week had passed since the Rosslyn shooting had taken place, and she still hadn't been able to face the Deputy. She just stood by the cubicles, staring at the closed office door, wondering if her guilt would ever subside enough to allow her a visit to her friend. Her thoughts were disturbed by a hand that touched her shoulder.  
  
"Zoey, are you okay?"  
Zoey shook her head and looked up at the speaker. "Oh, C.J., hi. Yeah, I'm fine."  
"Are you sure?" the Press Secretary asked. She suddenly seemed to realize what Zoey had been staring at and squeezed the young girl's shoulder in understanding. "Hey, do you want to come to my office? We can do stuff."  
"What kind of stuff?"  
C.J. shrugged. "I don't know. Girlie things."  
Zoey smiled. "So we can tell each other government secrets?"  
"I can tell you _Josh_ secrets," C.J. said with a small chuckle. "I've got some great stories. And I have Coke in my fridge."  
"Sounds good," Zoey replied, following the older woman to her office. She sighed as she plopped down on C.J.'s couch and dropped her faux Louis Vitton bag on the floor. She accepted the can of soda from C.J. with an appreciative smile before pulling the tab and taking a sip.  
"So what's up?" C.J. asked, sitting next to the teenager.  
Zoey gave her a pointed look. "_You_ got _me_ here. I want to hear the secrets."  
C.J. laughed. "Okay, well, did you hear about the time Josh had to wear Sam's fishing waders?"  
Zoey raised an eyebrow. "Come again?"  
"It was the first time he met Joey Lucas...You know Joey Lucas, right?" Upon Zoey's confirmation, C.J. continued. "Well, apparently, Josh had gone to a party the night before, and Donna found him sleeping in his office the next morning."  
"His office?"  
"He couldn't find his keys," C.J. explained. "And he was drunk."  
"Sensitive system," Zoey said knowingly.  
"You have no idea."  
There was a moment of silence before Zoey asked, "So..._why _was Josh wearing Sam's fishing waders?"  
"Oh! Well, according to Donna, he smelled like death and spilled coffee all over himself and since he had a meeting with Joey Lucas..."  
"I see. Did he get his suit back?"  
"Eventually. Donna went out and got the suit dry-cleaned, but she was a little too late."  
"Joey saw him?"  
"She did."  
"Oh, no."  
"Right? I wish I had been there!"  
"That is just so Josh in a nutshell," Zoey said with a sad smile.  
"Mmm-hmm." There was another moment of silence. "Zoey, have you been to see him yet?"  
Zoey felt herself tense up. She glanced at C.J., but found herself unable to keep eye contact. "No," she murmured.  
"Why not?"  
"I don't know."  
"I thought you two were close."  
"We are!" Zoey exclaimed. "I just...I can't."  
"You feel guilty," C.J. said, the words coming out more as a statement than a question.  
"Yes," came the quiet reply.  
C.J. nodded. "He doesn't blame you," she said softly, knowing perfectly well that would do nothing to help.  
"How can you be so sure?"  
"Because you're Zoey, and he's Josh."  
Zoey gave C.J. an odd look. "What do you mean?"  
"He loves you, Zoey. He would never blame you for this. And I know you know that."  
"It's just...Those guys were aiming for Charlie and me."  
C.J. bit her lip. "Those guys" hadn't been aiming for the President's daughter, but the President's aide alone. But she knew it wasn't right to say so, not to Zoey's face. "Zoey...I'm no psychiatrist, and I don't know if anything I say to you now will help you feel less guilty, but I can assure you that Josh has placed no blame on you or Charlie. The only people he blames are the people who were holding the guns. The people _you_ should be blaming, the people Charlie should be blaming are the guys who were holding the guns. It wasn't your fault."  
"I just don't understand how anyone could do something so horrible," Zoey said, her eyes brimming with tears.  
C.J. took a deep breath, then exhaled slowly. "I don't think any of us can, Zoey. What you have to realize is, we all think we're righteous. Virginia White Pride don't believe that interracial relationships are right, so they figured the best way to go was shoot at us."  
"But they didn't shoot Charlie or me, they got Josh!" Zoey exclaimed.  
"Yes, they did," C.J. said calmly. "But they're just as happy to have hit a Jewish man than you or Charlie."  
Zoey looked away and stared at the can she was holding. "Have you seen him a lot this week?" she asked, changing course of subject.  
"I've gone to the hospital every day."  
"Is...Is he in a lot of pain?"  
"The gunshot wound was serious," C.J. said carefully.  
"So that's a yes?"  
"Pretty much. It's very...uncomfortable for him."  
"Does he talk much?"  
C.J. smiled. "It's Josh. You can't expect him to keep quiet for long."  
Zoey nodded in agreement. "I guess I should go visit him," she said, as if asking a question.  
"He'd like that."  
"Yeah?"  
"You can bet on it."  
"Thank you, C.J."  
"Anytime."

**To Be Continued**


	2. Office Romances Never Work

**Title: **Finding Comfort**  
Author: **Erika**  
Spoilers: **ITSOTG Parts I and II  
**Note: **I know Zoey isn't typically used for fics, but I thought it would be interesting to see what she was going through after the events of Rosslyn.   
**Disclaimer: **I don't own any characters that have appeared on _The West Wing_, though owning Bradley Whitford/Josh Lyman is something I really wouldn't mind.

Zoey sat, rooted to the chair in the hospital waiting room just outside of Josh's private room. He had been moved out of the ICU two days after his surgery and, as far as anyone could tell, was recovering well. But all Zoey could do was stare at his door, and she hated herself for it. She thought about Josh's influence on her, all he had done for her, and when she thought about what she had done for him...She just came up with a big blank. She sighed to herself and fiddled with her bag, remembering how she had gotten the beloved item in the first place.

**Flashback--Sometime during the Primaries**

"Hello, Zoey," Josh said cheerfully.  
Zoey gave him a strange look. "You're oddly chipper this morning."  
"Why, Zoey, what makes you say that?" he asked with a wide grin.  
"You're freaking me out, Josh. What's going on?"  
"Zoey!" Josh exclaimed, exasperated, unaware that Governor Bartlet and Leo had walked up behind him. "It's your birthday!"  
Zoey felt a smile creep across her face. "Josh..."  
Josh shook his head. "You don't have to say anything, I'm just really good with dates. I got you a little something to celebrate!" He handed her the wrapped present that he had been holding behind his back and said proudly, "I wrapped it myself."  
Zoey held back a laugh, looking at the huge chunks of Scotch tape Josh had used. "Uh, yeah, I can see that."  
"Go ahead, open it."  
"Listen, Josh, I really appreciate this, but..."  
"Aw, come on, Zoey, open it!"  
Zoey rolled her eyes at Josh's whining and conceded. She let out a little gasp as she tore the paper away to find a beautiful Louis Vitton bag and looked up at the older man. "Josh!"  
"It's not real," he said sheepishly, his face flushing. "I was going to buy a real one, but I didn't realize how much they, you know..."  
"I don't care if it's not real, I love it!" Zoey exclaimed, throwing her arms around Josh and catching her father's eye. "Thank you so much!"  
"I saw you looking at it one time," he explained, "and since it's your birthday, I figured..."  
"Josh," Zoey interrupted, pulling back from the embrace. "I don't know how to tell you this."  
"What?" he asked, confused.  
"Zoey's birthday," Governor Bartlet's booming voice started, causing Josh to jump.  
"Governor!" he exclaimed in surprise.  
"Josh," Bartlet greeted before continuing. "It's March 15 today."  
"Yes," Josh agreed slowly.  
"My birthday isn't until _May_ 15," Zoey finished, smiling at the bewildered look on Josh's face.  
"And you have never been good with dates," Leo added, patting the curly-haired man on the back.  
"I...I..." Josh stammered, his face flushing even more. "I have meetings." With that and a quick farewell to all present, he made a fast exit.  
"He's a good kid," Jed said, watching Josh walk away.  
"I told you so," Leo replied, looking proud.  
"See, dad?" Zoey said. "I told you he's a great guy!"  
Jed looked at his daughter, suspicion etched on his face. "Zoey, please don't tell me you have a crush on Josh."  
"Dad!" Zoey exclaimed, looking horrified.  
"Leo, tell Zoey that office romances never work," Jed said, ignoring Zoey's pleas.  
"Office romances never work," Leo deadpanned to the young girl, smiling to himself as she groaned loudly and stalked away. He looked to Jed for approval.  
"Nice work."  
"I know."

**Present Time**

"I hope you don't plan on sitting there all day."  
Zoey snapped her head up at the sound of a familiar voice. "God, Sam, you scared me!"  
He apologized as he sat down next to her. "So, what are you thinking about?"  
"Josh," she replied.  
"Me, too."  
"How's he doing?"  
"He lies to pretend he's fine."  
"But?"  
"He's not," Sam replied, obviously not wanting to explain.  
"Okay."  
"Listen, he's in there by himself right now. I told him I was getting lunch. You should go on in."  
"Where's Donna?"  
"Josh sent her back the White House about ten minutes ago."  
"Oh."  
"Zoey?"  
"Yeah?"  
"Talk to him, will you?"  
"Okay, Sam."  
Sam nodded, satisfied, and stood to leave. "I'll see you later."

Zoey watched the Deputy Communications Director walk away and slowly got up from her own seat. When she pushed the door to Josh's room open, she was greeted by a surprised face."  
"Zoey?"  
"Hey, Josh," she said, trying to smile. She walked toward his bed and sat down on the chair placed next to it. "How've you been?"  
"Other than the gaping hole in my chest, I'm fine," Josh replied. Zoey frowned and widened her eyes. "Zoey, that was a joke."  
"Oh." She gave a forced laugh.  
"Sorry, my sense of humor hasn't been what it used to be the past few days."  
"It's okay."  
Josh looked closely at his boss's daughter, noting the grim look on her face. "What's wrong?"  
Zoey rolled her eyes. "Well, you were _shot_."  
Josh gave her a smile. "Yeah, that kind of sucks."  
Zoey shook her head. "Why are you doing that? Making these jokes?" Josh felt his smile fade away.  
"Zoey, I..."  
"Do you think this is funny?" Zoey went on. "Because if you do, you are seriously warped."  
"Of course I don't think it's funny!" Josh exclaimed, his chest beginning to tighten.  
"Then what's your problem?"  
"_My _problem? Jesus, Zoey, look around you! You think I'm happy that I was shot?" He almost went on, but the pain was able to overpower him before he could. He fell back against his pillows, panting and clutching his chest.  
"Josh?" Zoey whispered fearfully, reaching for his arm.  
"I'm okay," Josh wheezed, squeezing her hand in an attempt to reassure her.  
"You are not," Zoey protested. "Should I call someone?"  
"No, no, really, I'll be fine. It happens sometimes."  
"Often?"  
"Only if I work myself up."  
Zoey felt warm tears running down her cheek. "I'm so sorry," she whimpered.  
Josh raised his eyebrows. "Hey," he said softly, brushing a tear away. "It's not your fault."  
Zoey nodded, sniffling. "Yeah, well...I'm sorry I haven't come to see you."  
"Don't worry about it. I understand."  
"No, you...I just wish this hadn't happened. It's not fair."  
"I'll agree with you on that."  
"You know what I was thinking about before I came in?" Off Josh's curious look, she gave him a smile. "I was thinking about the time you gave me this bag."  
Josh chuckled lightly. "I remember."  
"I was so happy."  
Josh shook his head. "It's _fake_, Zoey, I don't get it. Most kids want the real thing, don't they?"  
"Well, sure, but don't worry. I know you don't have enough money to get me a real one."  
"Hey!" Josh said indignantly. "I take offense to that!"  
Zoey smirked. "I'll bet." Her expression softened. "Josh, it really doesn't matter if the bag is the real deal or not. The fact that you even gave it to me...It means a lot."  
Josh did his best to shrug. "What can I say? I know what the ladies like."  
Zoey stared at him. "You are such a loser."  
Josh gave her an innocent look. "Hey, I'm just saying."  
A pleasant moment of silence passed between the two while Zoey kept a hold on Josh's hand, trying to remind herself that he would be okay.  
"Josh?"  
"Yeah?"  
"The guys that shot at us?"  
"Yeah."  
"If you could talk to them right now--if they were still alive--what would you say?"  
Josh looked at Zoey directly, wondering about how he should reply. He licked his lips. "Zoey, I...I don't know," he said truthfully.  
"You haven't thought about it?"  
Josh averted his eyes, concentrating on the fingers that were wrapped around his hand. "It's been a week since it happened, and I don't remember much. All I think about when I'm awake is the pain, and all I think about when I sleep is the fire."  
"Fire?"  
"Gunfire," he lied, silently cursing himself for the barely noticeable slip. "Toby found me, did you know that?"  
"I didn't."  
"I don't remember it. I can't even...I can't remember why I was behind everyone when it happened. I can't remember where I was when it happened. I can't remember what I did after it happened. I can't..." He took a breath to calm himself. "All I know is, when those guns started going off--I was terrified." Zoey started to say something, but Josh cut her off. "The point is, if the shooters were alive, and I saw them face-to-face...I don't know if I'd even be capable of saying anything."  
"Josh..."  
"It wasn't personal, Zoey. I didn't know those guys, and they didn't know me. But when I look at Sam and Toby and C.J. and Donna and Leo...Zoey, when I look at them, I know they'd want to kill those guys themselves if they could. Me? I'd be out on the floor before I could even make a move." Zoey was speechless. She didn't know what she had expected Josh to say, but it certainly wasn't that. Josh noticed her incapacity to speak and went on. "They're two guys out of a million. So what am I supposed to say to them?"  
Zoey blinked. "I guess there's nothing you could say," she said slowly.  
"Well, I'm coming from a different perspective. What about you?"  
"What about me?"  
"You asked me what I'd say. You've obviously thought about it, and I want to hear what _ you'd_ have to say."  
"I would say..." She trailed off for a moment. "I'd tell them how much I hate them for what they did." Josh nodded, encouraging her to go on. "I'd say that it was wrong of them to...God, it's so much easier when I'm just thinking about it." Josh smiled.  
"Isn't it?"  
"I think you're right. There's nothing that can be said to make it better or make it so the shooting never happened." She looked up at Josh laid her free hand on the right side of his chest. "I was so worried about my father that night...I didn't even think anybody else was hurt. This whole thing, it..."  
"Zoey, I'm going to stop you right there because I know what you're going to say. It wasn't your fault. I don't know how many times you have to hear that to get it through your head, but it _was not your fault_. You and Charlie are so happy when you're together. Everybody sees it. If you let what happened stop that, you've let them win."  
Zoey grinned. "That's quite a pep talk, Mr. Lyman."  
"I live for giving them," Josh retorted with a proud smile.  
"Before I came here, I talked to C.J.," Zoey said suddenly.  
"Yeah?"  
She nodded. "She told me that you don't blame me for what happened, but I didn't believe her."  
"Why not?"  
"I don't know," she replied with a shrug. "I should have known, though. I was pretty stupid to think that, huh?"  
"Yeah, you're a big dummy," Josh chuckled. "But you're a loveable dummy, so it's alright." He paused. "You know, this conversation is getting so clichéd."  
Zoey laughed. "Well, then, throw something at me, and we'll talk about that."  
"Did you tape those _Starsky and Hutch_ re-runs like I asked you to?"  
"Well, gee, I've only been doing it for you the past _three months_. Seriously, Josh, why don't you just tape it yourself?"  
"I told you! I can't figure out how to work my VCR."  
"Have you ever thought about looking in the manual?"  
"I think I lost it."  
"Why am I not surprised?"  
Josh glared at her. "It's not my fault I'm disorganized."  
"Actually, yes, it is."  
"Shut up."  
A knock at the door made both Josh and Zoey look up to see Sam poking his head in. "Am I interrupting anything?"  
"Only Josh's stupidity," Zoey replied cheerfully.  
"Oh. Good then, nothing new," Sam joked, entering the room. He stood at the foot of his best friend's bed. "How're you feeling?"  
"I'd feel a lot better if both of you left," the older man grumbled.  
Sam let out a short laugh. "Well, there's really no chance of that, so why don't you give me a more specific answer."  
"I feel fine," Josh answered. "Really, Sam, I do."  
"Glad to hear it."  
Zoey glanced at her watch. "Oh, hey, I've got to get going. I'm meeting some friends in half an hour," she said, standing from her chair. She gestured for Sam to take it, and he conceded, giving her a grateful smile. She leaned down to give Josh a kiss on his forehead and waved good-bye to Sam. "I'll see you guys later."  
"Don't be a stranger!" Josh called as she left the room. He turned his head to Sam. "How was lunch?"  
Sam raised an eyebrow. "I went to the hospital cafeteria."  
"Ugh," Josh grunted. "I'm sorry."  
"I'll get over it eventually. How was...you know, whatever this was."  
"Nice," Josh said. "We had a good talk."  
"Private?"  
Josh shrugged. "She thinks what we all think."  
"Her fault?"  
"Yeah."  
"Josh?"  
"Hmm?"  
"I love you, buddy."  
Josh gave his friend a strange look. "Thanks...I love you, too?"  
"Thank you, Josh."  
"Okay." The two sat in an awkward silence, each trying their hardest not to look the other in the eye.  
"So..." Sam started.  
"So..."  
"TV?"  
"Yeah, sounds good."

**To Be Continued**


	3. Little Details

**Title: **Finding Comfort**  
Author: **Erika**  
Spoilers: **ITSOTG Parts I and II  
**Note: **I know Zoey isn't typically used for fics, but I thought it would be interesting to see what she was going through after the events of Rosslyn.   
**Disclaimer: **I don't own any characters that have appeared on _The West Wing_, though owning Bradley Whitford/Josh Lyman is something I really wouldn't mind.

"Can I see it?" Zoey asked.  
"What?"  
"You know..."  
"I really don't."  
Zoey rolled her eyes. "Your scar."  
Josh scoffed in disbelief. "No!"  
"Why not?"  
"Zoey, I'm not going to show you my scar!"  
"Just a little peek?"  
"Get your own!"  
"I'd rather not."  
"Well, then, tough luck," he muttered, giving her a tiny smirk to show her he wasn't offended.  
Zoey let a moment pass before saying, "When I was 10, I fell on the pavement and cracked open my head."  
Josh wrinkled his nose in disgust. "That's great, Zoey."  
"It took 15 stitches to close it up."  
"You should ask Donna how many stitches it took to close _me _up."  
"I'll show you my scar if you show me yours."  
Josh shook his head. "I hardly think that's a fair deal."  
Zoey looked up at the other man in the room. "What do you think? I mean, a scar for a scar is a fair deal, right?"  
Toby Ziegler glared at the young girl. "Can the two of you just _not _talk for _two_ minutes?"  
"I don't think that's humanly possible," Donna said, rubbing her temples.  
"Donna's right," Josh said, "it isn't possible. My mom's been trying to shut me up for years. I just keep going and going and going..."  
"Like the Energizer Bunny," Zoey added. Josh nodded in agreement.  
"Very much so!"  
"I swear, I don't know how much more of this I can take," Toby said, beginning to pace.  
"If you leave, can I get ride?" Donna asked, half-serious.  
"Donna!" Josh exclaimed, pretending to be wounded by her comment. "After all our years together, you'd just up and leave? I figured you'd be immune to my incessant talking. After all, I've even found a new subject to tell you about: the superstring theory!"  
Donna glared at her boss. "Josh, I'm getting sick of all your talk about theoretical physics. You watched one show--_one show_--and all of a sudden it's, 'hey, Donna, listen to this,' and 'hey, Donna, check out this super strung theory...'"  
"Super_string_," Josh corrected. "And my voice isn't that high-pitched."  
"Whatever."  
"Can I help it if I'm interested in quantum physics? It may have been one show, but it was an interesting one show! You should have seen it!"  
"I'm so glad I didn't."  
"Zoey would appreciate it. Wouldn't you, Zoey?"  
Zoey raised an eyebrow. "I doubt it."  
Josh gave her a look. "You're supposed to be supporting me here."  
"Oh! Okay, then..." She continued in a false, overly confident tone, "Yes! I would greatly appreciate this show on quantum physics."  
Josh sighed. "Fine, you can do your mocking, but when all this stuff becomes next week's headline, I'll be the one laughing in the face of your indignity!"  
"You can think about the superstring theory all you want, Josh," Donna said. "I just ask that you keep it to yourself. And, you know, try not to give yourself a concussion the next time C.J. does a press briefing."  
"She said _psychics_ at Cal Tech! It was supposed to be _physicists_!"  
"They're easy to get mixed up."  
"But we practiced on the phone!"  
"'We'?"  
"Well, _me_, but she heard me saying it many times."  
"C.J. has better things to do than memorize the random, unintelligible nonsense that comes out of your mouth," Toby said. "Come to think of it, we _all_ have better things to do."  
"Can I ask you a question?"  
Toby groaned to himself. "What?"  
"Where did you buy that _schmatte_ you're trying to pass of as a suit jacket?"  
Toby raised his eyebrows. "I'll have you know that Andi gave me this jacket for Christmas three years ago."  
"Oh," Josh replied with a nervous laugh. "I was just joking, it's lovely. And I don't really think it looks like a rag."  
"Josh?"  
"Hmm?"  
"_Stup ir_."  
"What does that mean?" Zoey asked.  
"Uh, nothing!" Josh exclaimed. "He was just saying what a fine man I am."  
"You know what word should be Yiddish, but isn't?"  
"Donna," Toby warned, satisfied when the blonde shrugged and stopped talking.  
"_Stup ir_," Zoey said, trying out the new phrase.  
"Zoey, no!" Josh scolded, as if the girl had been replaced by a puppy.  
"What?"  
"Inappropriate talk!"  
"Okay."  
"I'm serious!"  
"Okay!"  
"Good. Let's move on." Josh relaxed against his pillows, happy to change the subject. "So slave driver, when do I get out of here?"  
"Well, since you've been such a pest about leaving, the doctors are letting you move out the day after tomorrow," Donna said, whacking his arm for the 'slave driver' insult.  
Zoey's eyes lit up. "That's great!"  
Donna nodded. "Yeah, I think it'll be easier for everyone. But," she continued, looking back at Josh, "the doctors also say you aren't ready to be out of this bed. So we're going to have to take it with us."  
"IV and all?"  
"The whole nine yards."  
"Damn."  
"Is that bad?" Zoey asked.  
"Oh, no," Donna told her. "Josh'll be fine, he's just getting out of the hospital earlier than the doctors would like. But since he's so pushy and arrogant and conceited..."  
"I'm right here, you know."  
"Don't worry, I'm well aware of that."  
"My God, where do you all get the energy to _talk_ this much?" Toby asked incredulously.  
"It's not my fault I was blessed with natural energy and you were born grumpy," Josh replied.  
"Right," Toby grumbled, looking up at the clock on the wall. "I have to get back to the White House."  
"I should get back, too," Donna said, making Josh roll his eyes when she put a hand against his forehead to make sure he didn't have a fever.  
"Is everyone leaving me?" he asked pitifully.  
"Don't worry, Josh, I'll stay," Zoey said, giving him a bright smile.  
"You'll be okay?" Donna asked, standing.  
"Of course, I will," Josh insisted. "After all, I've got Zoey to keep me company."  
"Okay," Donna said, still sounding a bit unsure.  
"Donna, stop being paranoid. You haven't been the whole time you were taking chunks out of my precious ego."  
Donna smiled at the Deputy sweetly. "Josh?"  
"Yeah?"  
"_Stup ir_."  
"Ever with the pleasantries, my dear assistant-whom-I-sign-the-paycheck-for."  
"I'm going," Donna said, giving Josh a light slap to the head. "Sam should be here in an hour or two."  
"Don't tear the room apart while we're gone," Toby lectured as he and Donna exited the room.  
Josh looked to Zoey. "So what should we do?" he asked.  
"We can talk about your drunken escapades" she suggested with a mischievous smile. "Say, for instance, the first time you met Joey Lucas?"  
Josh widened his eyes. "Sam?"  
"Nope."  
"Donna?"  
"Try again.  
Josh paused, then squinted his eyes. "C.J.," he snarled with a hint of rage.  
"Care to give me the gory little details?"  
"I'd rather show you my scar."  
"Deal!"  
"No!"  
"Come on."  
"No."  
"I'll sneak in some beer for you."  
"I'm leaving the day after tomorrow. I can get my own beer."  
"Donna won't let you drink it."  
"Good point. It doesn't matter, though, you're not even old enough to buy beer!"  
"Little details, Josh."  
"_Important_ little details."  
"I'll do whatever you want!"  
"Why is it so important to you?"  
Zoey shrugged. "Is it that big of a deal to _you_?"  
"Yes!"  
"Why?"  
"Because it's my scar! From an act of terrorism that I would very much like to forget, but now have a constant reminder of!"  
Zoey blinked. "Okay."  
"I didn't mean to snap at you."  
"I know."  
"Forget what I just said."  
"I won't."  
He glanced at her with a curious look. "Why do you want to see my scar so badly?"  
"I don't."  
Josh shook his head in confusion. "Explain, please."  
"I overheard..."  
"Eavesdropped," Josh interrupted.  
"I _overheard_ some people..."  
"Donna, Sam and Leo?"  
"Are you going to let me tell you the story?"  
"It's a story now?"  
"Josh!"  
"Go on."  
"I overheard them talking about you having nightmares." Josh shifted uncomfortably. "Donna said that you really want to get something off your chest, but can't."  
"Yeah, the scar."  
"Your dark humor is not appreciated."  
"Sorry."  
"Is she right?"  
"Being shot equals bad thoughts. That's just the way it is."  
"Did I help you just now? With the scar thing?"  
Josh smiled. "Yeah, Zoey. You helped. That's what I've been wanting to say for the past three and a half weeks."  
"Don't get smart with me. I'm not an idiot."  
"I know."  
"So why are you lying to me?"  
Josh furrowed his brow. "Where are you learning all this psychobabble?"  
Zoey shrugged. "My mom."  
"Right. I should have guessed."  
Zoey paused, debating whether she should refer back to the unanswered question, but decided to let the subject change go. "So, this theoretical physics thing..."  
"Yeah! I've got to warn you, though, once I get started, I can't be stopped."  
"How is that any different than usual?"  
"That was uncalled for."  
"I don't think so. Besides, you can take it. What with your arrogance and pushiness and..."  
"You are turning into a mini-Donna."  
"Thank you."  
"You realize you dangled the superstring theory in front of me and ripped it away the last minute?"  
"It's like playing with a cat."  
"You're impossible. If I could move from this bed, I would strangle you right now."  
"I'm the President's daughter."  
"Little details."

**To Be Continued**


	4. 8 O'Clock on Friday Night

**Title: **Finding Comfort**  
Author: **Erika**  
Spoilers: **ITSOTG Parts I and II  
**Note: **I know Zoey isn't typically used for fics, but I thought it would be interesting to see what she was going through after the events of Rosslyn. This chapter also has one-on-one time with Josh and Charlie. I've suddenly had a case of writer's block, so if the chapter is crappy, I apologize.  
**Disclaimer: **I don't own any characters that have appeared on _The West Wing_, though owning Bradley Whitford/Josh Lyman is something I really wouldn't mind.

"Hey, Charlie," Zoey greeted her boyfriend, who was sitting at his desk. He looked up from the computer.  
"Zoey!" he exclaimed, standing. "What are you doing here?"  
She shrugged. "I just came from seeing Josh."  
Charlie lowered his eyes. "Oh, yeah?"  
"Yeah."  
Charlie slowly nodded, realizing where the conversation was headed. "Zoey..."  
"Why haven't you gone to see him?" she demanded.  
"Do we have to do this now?"  
"If we don't do it now, we won't do it at all."  
"Exactly."  
"Charlie!"  
"What do you want me to say?"  
Zoey sighed. "I don't know. You're right, we shouldn't do this now."  
"Thank you."  
"Have you had lunch yet?"  
It was Charlie's turn to let out a sigh. "Half an hour."  
"I'll meet at the cafe down the street, okay?"  
"Yeah, okay."

**Thirty Minutes Later**

Zoey kept her eyes on Charlie while he ordered a coffee. When he was finished, he looked back at her. After a moment of fidgeting, he gave up on the staring contest.  
"What do you want from me, Zoey?"  
"You know what I want."  
"No, I don't!"  
"Josh has been out of the hospital for three weeks," she said, leaning closer to him.  
"I know, that's good."  
"I don't understand, Charlie. I thought you and Josh were friends."  
"We _are_ friends."  
Zoey put her hand over his. "Then why won't you see him?"  
"It's not that simple."  
"You feel guilty, is that it?" Charlie refused to meet her gaze. "I felt guilty, too. What happened at Rosslyn was wrong. They were shooting at us, and..."  
"They weren't shooting at 'us,' Zoey!" Charlie exploded, careful to keep his voice down. "They were shooting at _me_! They wanted _me_ dead!"  
"Charlie," Zoey continued calmly, "I talked to C.J. awhile ago, before I got the courage to see Josh. She helped me realize that Virginia White Pride isn't just about destroying interracial relationships. They were just as happy to see Josh get hurt as they would have been if you did. They hate Jewish people just as much as they hate black people. And you know that."  
"It doesn't change anything. They were still aiming for me."  
Zoey paused. "Josh feels guilty about the shooting, you know."  
Charlie's head snapped up in shock. "_What_? That doesn't make sense!"  
"I know, right? I mean, he was the one who almost died, he shouldn't..." She took a moment to compose herself. "Josh blames himself for everything, Charlie. I don't know how he does it, but one of these days I'm going to figure it out."  
"Did he say why?"  
"Well, he never actually _said_ he felt guilty in the first place. But if you hear his voice when he talks about it...You can tell."  
Charlie was silent for a moment. "I'm afraid of the way he'll look at me," he admitted. "I'm afraid of what he'll think."  
"He cares about you, Charlie, believe me. He's been asking for you."  
"He has?"  
Zoey nodded. "And I can tell you right now that if you don't see him before he comes back to work, he'll think _you_ don't care."  
"Okay."  
"Okay...you'll go?"  
"I'll go."  
"Promise?"  
"I promise."  
Zoey smiled proudly and squeezed Charlie's hand. "Good."

**Evening**

Charlie knocked nervously on Josh's apartment door. He had nearly backed out of his promise to Zoey, but her words kept echoing in his head. The door opened to reveal a smiling Donna, holding a beer in one hand.  
"Hi, Charlie!" she exclaimed.  
"Hello, Donna," he replied.  
"Come on in," she said, opening the door wider. He complied and shuffled into the room. "Josh will be so happy to see you."  
Charlie didn't reply to her last comment and followed her into Josh's living room, where the Deputy lay on his couch. He looked up as they walked into the room.  
"Charlie?" he called, as if he wasn't sure it was really the President's aide.  
Charlie put on a fake smile and waved. "Hi, Josh."  
"Hey," Josh replied, sitting up slowly. He sounded tired, Charlie noticed.  
"How are you?" Charlie asked.  
Josh patted the sofa cushion next to him, beckoning Charlie to sit, which the young man did. "I'm doing good."  
"Charlie, do you want a drink or something?" Donna asked.  
"No, I'm fine, thank you."  
"Okay." Donna pressed her hand against Josh's cheek, then brushed some of his wild hair aside. "I'll be in the guest room if you need anything."  
"'Kay." Donna nodded and left the room. Josh turned back to Charlie. "So how've you been?"  
"Me?" Charlie asked in surprise. "I'm fine."  
"That's good. And the President?"  
"He's been telling me stories about Shenandoah," Charlie answered.  
Josh chuckled. "I've been there. It'll get worse, don't worry."  
"Good to know." Charlie bit his lip. "So, uh, Donna's been staying here?"  
Josh shrugged. "She and Sam switch every other night. They had an argument over who would stay with me, and they finally agreed to switch off."  
Charlie laughed. "I'm not surprised."  
"You know, I'm really not either."  
"Josh..." Charlie started, trailing off.  
"Is something wrong?"  
"I spoke to Zoey today."  
"Okay."  
"She told me that you feel guilty about what happened at Rosslyn." Josh's friendly smile faded, and Charlie was afraid he had crossed a line. "I'm sorry, if that's going too far, I..."  
"Don't worry about it," Josh insisted. He shrugged again. "Everybody feels guilty about Rosslyn, Charlie."  
"I don't understand why they would."  
"You want to hear something funny?"  
"What?"  
"Nobody understands why _you_ feel guilty about it, either."  
Charlie furrowed his brow. "They were shooting at me."  
"Yes."  
"It's my fault."  
"That you're skin is a different color?" Josh challenged. Charlie opened his mouth to speak, but couldn't find anything to say. "Charlie, I've had this talk with a lot of people. I don't know how well it'll work with you, but...It's not your fault that the shooting happened. I know you probably can't comprehend that right now, but eventually, you'll get it. It's not your fault that three bigoted teenagers decided that you and Zoey weren't right for each other. It's not Donna's fault she wasn't at Rosslyn. It's not C.J.'s fault that she didn't get hit. It's not Sam or Toby or Leo's fault that they weren't close enough to me to..." Josh hesitated. "Just...It's not your fault, okay?"  
"Have you convinced yourself of that yet?"  
"Have _you_?"  
"Not really."  
"I didn't think so."  
"You're good at misdirection."  
"It's a gift."  
"So what exactly is it that makes you feel guilty?"  
"You blame yourself because Virginia White Pride targeted you and Zoey. Let's get to the root of it all: I hired you."  
"But--"  
"I hired you," Josh continued, overriding Charlie, "and I got you into all of this crap."  
A short silence overcame the room. "Do you regret it?" Charlie asked.  
"Regret what?"  
"Hiring me."  
Josh widened his eyes. "No!" he said, almost as if he was admonishing the younger man. "Charlie, no, of course I don't regret hiring you!"  
"What if you're right? If you hadn't hired me, the shooting may not have happened, and you wouldn't have gotten hurt."  
"So you're blaming me?" Josh asked, a hint of amusement evident in his tone.  
Charlie gave him a good-natured glare. "No, of course not."  
"Do you ever regret taking the job?"  
"There isn't a day that goes by," Charlie said sincerely, "that I'm not entirely grateful to you for giving it to me."  
Josh smiled. "I'm glad I finally did something right."  
"What about you? Do you ever wish you had chosen a different career?"  
Josh stared off into space, looking thoughtful. "You would think so, wouldn't you? I used to work for Vice President Hoynes back when he was running, did you know that?"  
Charlie raised his eyebrows in surprise. "No, I didn't. Why'd you leave his campaign?"  
"I went to New Hampshire," Josh answered, smiling at the memory. "Leo came to me and asked me to go to New Hampshire."  
"What was in New Hampshire?"  
"President Barlet. Or Governor Bartlet, at the time. I watched him give this amazing speech, Charlie. You think he's good? You should have seen him that night. I knew he was the real thing."  
"And Hoynes?"  
"I don't know," Josh replied. "Hoynes...I was trapped when I was working for him. It just didn't feel...right, I guess. My father was a lawyer, and he died the day the President won the Primaries."  
"I didn't know, I'm sorry."  
Josh nodded. "The thing is, Charlie, my dad would have been so proud if he had known we won. So proud. Politics is what I'm good at. It's my _life_. If I didn't have this, I wouldn't have anything."  
"I'm sure you'd get along just fine," Charlie said, giving Josh a smile.  
Josh rolled his eyes, but then became serious again. "Even after what happened at Rosslyn, I have no regrets about this job. If I had to go through the shooting over again...Well, I probably wouldn't, but if it meant I could protect the President, I'd do anything."  
"You're a really good guy, Josh," Charlie said, looking at Josh with a newfound respect.  
Josh let his dimples show. "You're not so bad yourself."  
"I'm glad we had this talk," Charlie said truthfully.  
"I'm glad you finally got the balls to come over," Josh joked. Charlie blushed, but gave the older man a smile. "Charlie?"  
"Yeah?"  
"It's 8 o'clock on a Friday evening. Don't you have anything else to do?"  
"No, not really."  
"Charlie?"  
"Yeah?"  
"That was actually my polite way of saying I'm getting tired, and I want to sleep."  
"Oh! Right!" Charlie exclaimed, flustered. He quickly stood up and looked down at an amused Josh. "Do you, uh...need me to..."  
"I can tuck myself in," Josh assured. "But thank you for asking."  
"Okay," Charlie replied. "Thank you again, for everything."  
"No problem. Are you okay showing yourself out?"  
"Yeah, I'm good." He paused. "Is it alright if I come by tomorrow?"  
Josh grinned. "That'd be great. I'll be looking forward to it."  
Charlie nodded in agreement. "I'll see you then."  
"Good night, Charlie."  
"'Night," Charlie called over his shoulder, walking toward the door.  
"Bye, Charlie!" Donna yelled from her room.  
Charlie smiled to himself. "Bye," he called back as he let himself out. He stood outside the apartment for a moment and took a breath. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He glanced at his watch. It was, in fact, 8 o'clock on Friday night. He wondered what Zoey was doing and whether he could join her.

**To Be Continued**


End file.
